Weekly Weigh-in and the good ol' honest truth...

I am 155 lbs today.

And I've been religiously counting all of my calories on Sparkpeople. and today I reviewed them. I am consistently eating over my caloric needs. This is why I am not losing weight.
Luckily I do work out for at least 5 hours a week, so I haven't gained, I'm maintaining.

what to do?
I"m not sure. I'm going to tweak what I eat, and not allow any more indulgences. (no more cake, cookies, chocolate) It's weird. Even though I *know* what I am eating, I still eat upwards of 1700 calories a day.

Moderation is key. Consistency is key. My goal is to eat about 1400 calories a day, continue my high level of activity, and have fun while doing it! There is no race to lose the last 15 lbs. However long it takes, is however long it takes. I will not give up.

I didn't blog last week. I just didn't want to think about my weight loss that day.

Weekly Weigh In and Tips for Newbies

Weight= 155 lbs.

Back to square one. But I am okay with this. I know exactly what I've done wrong, and I know what to do to get back on track. I have 12 weeks until I move which means I have 12 weeks to reinforce the postive life changes that I have made.

A woman I work with was just told by her doctor that she needs to lose 50 lbs. We are the same age, and she is just about the same size I used to be, maybe a little smaller. I didnt' give her any advice, because she did not ask me for any, and that would have been rude. But it did make me think about what I would tell her, if she asked.

I would not suggest she go to the weight loss doctor I went to. I would give her the contact information, but suggest she try my other suggestions first.

Tips to lose weight over time:
-Track your foods, even on terrible days. Even though it is hard to look at sometimes, tracking food is essential to knowing where you went wrong, when you did excellent, and when you are allowed to give yourself a little treat. Sparkpeople is an excellent free and simple calorie counter. Obviously WW points are a great way to track as well.
-Make exercise a daily ritual and track it. Every single day of your life needs to have exercise as a component. Whether it is walking, doing a dvd, climbing stairs, cleaning house...doesn't matter. Although people say 30 minutes a day, I suggest 1 hour. And lose your fear of weight training! I've gone from a size 12 to a 10 yet stayed the same weight.
-Strive to eat 8 servings of vegetables and fruits. Mostly veggies, very colorful.
-Drink Water! Water is so important, and it fills you up, keeps you hydrated, and drinking more gets rid of bloating. I drink at least 64 oz a day. Then I drink more.
-Find strength with your friends/acquaintences/faith. Find someone to talk to about your weight issues. It helps keep you accountable. I found that I had no one to talk to about weight loss, so I started to blog. First on myspace, then I switched to blogger. It is extremely cathartic to have a place to share your thoughts. You can also 'meet' great people who are doing the same things you are and encourage them, in turn they will encourage you. I'm not religious, but I know a lot of people are, and some who have lost large amounts of weight find that their faith is a tremendous help.

So. Although this year has not been the best for me in regards to weight loss, I have been using all of these tools to maintain a 70 lb loss. Which is something I need to be more proud of than I am. In fact, that should be the last tip: Be proud of yourself and the fact that you are even attempting to become healthier.

Sometimes I'm Scared.

I've been less than perfect with the foods that I've been eating lately. I've missed several days of exercise. I'm slowly, slowly, slowly getting back on the wagon with everyone else.
There is a man that I've been talking quite a lot to recently, we are getting to know one another and becoming friends. I realized the other day that I didn't want him to think I was some calorie-obsessed crazy person who could only think about food and exercise and creating a deficit over time and the flab on my belly. Then I realized, that that is who I am right now. It could possibly be who I'll always be? I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm sometimes terrified of sliding back into the person I once was. I think it is more than just becoming the "fat girl" again. I think I'm afraid of being someone who is not in control of my life. Someone that drinks constantly and is depressed. Someone who is waiting for Mr. Right to come along and gets impatient and just goes with Mr. Right-Now.....
Then again, maybe I just don't want to be "fat". Although, technically, I'm still "overweight". I am scared that if I am not vigilant about the food that I eat, or the activity that I strive to do, I will get on that weight rollercoaster that I've read so much about. I don't want to say "I lost 75 lbs, then gained back 80, then lost 50, then gained 60...." and so on. I told a friend the other day that I simply can't gain the weight back, because I am not strong enough to lose it again.
Is anyone else out there afraid to fail and gain it all back? I haven't even made my goal weight yet.

First, the nice news....

I had a fantasic weekend that sort of spilled over into the week. First I helped a friend celebrate his birthday by going to a Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine show. It was hilarious and fun. Then, we proceeded to bar hop like we were youngsters and I met several men, was told I was beautiful several times, and even recieved a marriage proposal. (see engagement photo below, lol) One guy in particular is very sweet and we are supposed to go out to dinner sometime this week. The bad news is, this night of revelry set off a three day assault on my diet. One that I'm not entirely out of yet. (I had sausage with my scrambled egg whites this morning....and hash browns.) I haven't been to the gym all week. Which means I've missed out on 3 days worth of calorie burning. I'm going back tomorrow and I'm going to salvage the rest of today's caloric load by eating fruit and veggies all day.
I really don't feel very well, and when I eat poorly this always happens. So I did not weigh in this morning. I just can't face reality. There are two scenerios that could occur. I might step on the scale and read 151 or less. This would mean that my three day chow down didn't affect my weight at all. Which would probably cause me to think "Cool! I can eat whatever the *&%! I want and not gain a pound...let's get pizza!" OR, the more likely scenario, I step on the scale read 155 and sink into bad thoughts, kicking myself for drinking a bottle of vodka and devouring every spicy tuna roll on the planet. Let's not even mention Cinco de Mayo yesterday.......

So instead, I'm going to acknowledge that I had a great 3 days of debauchery, and am now returning to normal life. The weigh-ins will commence next Wednesday, which means I have a week to whip myself back onto program. And that also means I get to enjoy that feeling of starting anew! It's almost like having make-up sex with myself. But a lot less messy. :)