spunkysuzi working towards a healthier me: Glad i took my dinner :)

spunkysuzi has a great post about temptation....


spunkysuzi working towards a healthier me: Glad i took my dinner :)

One week, 3 lb loss! :)

I'm thrilled with this! I've been active everyday for at least 30 minutes. I also have been adding in little bits of activity whenever I can, ie taking the stairs, going for a small walk on my break. Also, I've been trying really hard to stick to my 20 point allowance. Here is my food intake from yesterday. Notice, it is only 1.5 points over. Not bad! However...cookies and cake are on the list and make up 7 of my points!!!! I had to have zero point soup for dinner! Today I will strive to eat foods that are nourishing and anti-inflammatory for my body. Although I'm trying to lose weight, I also am trying to be healthy.

Items Chart

Item	Points	Action
WW english muffin	1	remove
Veggie Sausage	2	remove
2 egg whites	1	remove
green tea	0	remove
shortbread cookie	2	remove
banana	2	remove
apple	1	remove
5 dutch cookies!!:)	3	remove
fiber one	1	remove
almond milk	1	remove
cranberries	1	remove
fruit/veggie plate	1.5	remove
sliver of cake	2	remove
spinach	0	remove
steamed veggies	0	remove
couple strawberries	0.5	remove
tortilla w/homemade hummus	2.5	remove
Total Consumed	21.5 points
My Quota	20 points
Left to Consume	-1.5 points

8 glasses of water consumed.

Things are good

I'm just plugging away on this new adventure. So far so good, I guess. I've been dipping in to my WPA's although I was a little scared to do that at first. Because I've been starving myself for months (less than 600 calories a day, doctor supervised...) I'm afraid that if I go too high in calories I will gain weight. I know it will be a period of adjustment and trial and error for me.

I'm really trying to stick to 20 points a day. Yesterday, I had mystery Chinese good luck cookies that were delicious and not too sweet, but I had no idea what their point value was, so I guessed. I counted each as 6 points, just to be careful. So I was 9 points over goal, maybe. I learned yesterday, it is important to be as accurate as possible with counting points. I won't be eating anything that I cannot easily look up the point value for from now on. It caused me too much anxiety.

Ms. Bitchcakes had a great post this morning. It was all about goal setting. My goal for the week will be to be active at least 30 minutes everyday. So far, I have done this. Sun- Treadmill 30min. Monday- Weight training w/trainer, 20 min walk, Today- 30min on the Treadmill.

I'm confident I can keep this up!

Awesome Tracker on Facebook

What a great day this was!!! I'm so proud of myself! I felt full all day and have already lost 2 lbs. Of course this may be due to the fact that I'm drinking tons of water, but it still makes me feel better. Just as a gauge, for those of you who lost weight with WW, how fast did you lose weight in the beginning?

Items Chart

Item	Points	Action
Raspberries	1	remove
banana	2	remove
almond milk	1	remove
mini bagel	1	remove
Pita bread	2	remove
eggless mayo	1	remove
green beans	0	remove
lettuce	0	remove
3 oz salmon	4	remove
120g ww pasta	5	remove
1/2 c. sauce	1	remove
broccoli	0	remove
grapes	1	remove
popcorn	1	remove
Total Consumed	20 points
My Quota	20 points
Left to Consume	0 points

8 glasses of water consumed.

"And what is it you plan to do with your one, wild, and precious life?"- Mary Oliver

I plan on being happy and healthy! Day two of my new life! Here is the rundown so far (I know this is probably boring for some of you who have been a WW for awhile, but it helps me a little, I found a great tracker on facebook and will be using that from now on) :

breaky:
Starbucks Oatmeal w/dried fruit (4)
coffee w/splash of soymilk (1)

snack:
almonds (4)
cranberries (2)
apple (1)
(avoided my bosses' cookies like the plague!!)

lunch:
cucumber salad (0)
spray dressing (0)
strawberries (1)

subtotal: 13/20

snack 2:
grapes (1)
1/2 a soy yogurt (1)
1/2 a serving of flax (.5)

din-din:Must equal 4.5
3.5 oz Salmon (4.5)
Salad (0)
Vinegar (0)

Total= 20 points! yay me!

A New Beginning, and it Feels Great!

Today I weighed in at a respectable 154 lbs. I feel great in my body, but wouldn't mind losing another 15 lbs. So my target goal weight is 139 lbs. And I feel GREAT about it! Update: Okay, so here is what I planned to eat....and in red is what I really ate.

Point Goal: 20

Breakfast:
1/2 cup oatmeal (2pts) yes
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce (1) yes
Flax Seed (1) yes
2 cups coffee yes

Lunch:
2 cups Black Bean Soup (5) yes
small salad (0) /Large Baked Potato (6)
2 tsps. Olive Oil (2) /1c. steamed veggies (0)
vinegar /2 TBL sour cream (2)

Snack:
Banana (2) /Oatmeal Cookie (7)

Dinner: /I cannot eat anything for dinner, b/c I am now at 24 points. Live and learn, I guess...
3 oz Salmon (4)
1 cup Steamed Veggies (0)
Soy Yogurt (2)
1 cup Berries (1)

I am so happy!

Okay. First I want to apologize to my friends and family who have said this same thing to me over the last few months. I am sorry.

Let me explain:
Today I was overheard by a coworker, N, saying that I was so depressed because of the fast. I was so hungry and unhappy and it is so hard.

He looked at me like I was crazy and said "I'm not a doctor, but you do NOT need to lose any more weight. 20 lbs? I don't think you need to lose 20 lbs." and a light went off in my head. He is absolutely right. I could lose 20 lbs. but I don't NEED to lose 20 lbs.

I am giving a big 'f-you' to the fast and embracing sensible weight loss/maintenence from here on out! I'm going to be counting points and eating fruit and oatmeal!!!! you don't know how happy that makes me! I was so afraid of being a failure, but I"M NOT ONE! I've lost 30% of my body weight!!! that is insane! Here are pics for perspective: The one on top is from the 31st of January, 2008, the day before I started the fast. The bottom one was taken 20 minutes ago in the same spot, different angle. Yes. I could lose 20 lbs, no I don't want to gain weight, yes I could just stay where I"m at for the rest of my life.

I"m so happy about my decision. I feel like a tremendous weight has lifted off my shoulders. I will start posting my new food diary tomorrow. My new goal is a sensible 1 to 2 lbs a week until I lose an additional 15 lbs.

I need encouragement! Please! I'm excited but also a little scared!

Giant leap back on the path to adulthood....

So although I try to be a nice girl 80% of the time, I do tend to be naughty 20%. I had an amazing date with a wonderful man on Friday. Everything you wish for in a man. Kind, funny, talkative, interesting, successful, handsome, a real gentleman. Then I had plans on Saturday that fell through, I ended up getting gussied up and hit the town alone. Bad idea. I don't weigh as much as I used to (yay!) so I cannot drink as much as I used to (boo!). But old bartenders who remembered me from my drinking days still continued to serve me as though I was 60 lbs heavier. And of course, if they pour, I drink. We settled into our old relationship quite quickly.

Driving drunk is never a good idea. Driving while hammered, is even worse. Drunk dialing the gentleman that you had a great date with 24 hours before, is worse than death. I had to apologize to him the next day. and to my car. which now has a nice dent in it. So he cancelled our lunch plans for yesterday, says he was in meetings all day, but of course I can't help but think it was really due to the fact that I'm a naughty girl, and what nice guy wants a naughty girl. (who probably should have gotten a DUI.) He says he still wants to see me. I guess we will see what happens. This is why I should not drink. Ever.

So I constantly throw roadblocks in my path to greatness. Why is that? I'm restarting my diet today. I haven't weighed myself in a week, b/c I don't want to be discouraged. My size 10 pants still fit, snug, so I haven't totally gone off the deep end. But I'd like to be in 8's by the end of February.

I"m not proud.

but I had a binge today. I could run down the list of everything I ate...but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that I did it at all. Binges can consist of one cookie, or ten bags of potato chips. In the end, a binge is a binge. I wasn't feeling particularly bad, actually I am having a great day! I just wanted to eat. and it felt good. No one said dieting was easy.

Doctor's Appointment- 15 lbs gone!

Well my appointment went so very very well today! And I did something that I haven't done in a long time....I WENT TO THE GYM!!!! And I feel great about it. My trainer said he was gonna email me today if I hadn't shown up. I'm a little sore, and my heart felt like it was gonna pop out of my chest, but all in all I feel great.

More about the appointment....The dietician in the office said I was doing wonderfully on the diet and that I should expect to lose about 7 lbs in the next 2 weeks. Then she said that I only have 72 days until I hit 125. !!! Who wants to weigh 125?! I'd look ill!! What is the matter with these people? I do know that I used to think they were crazy when they told me I'd weigh less than 160, and now I'm 150 and I feel like I definitely have at least 10 more lbs to lose. But I don't want to weigh 125. Maybe I'll feel differently at 135......

I have a date on Friday. I am terrified. I really really really want to go, but there are issues. Always....issues. The event is to kick off the P.F. Chang's Rock and Roll Marathon and they will be providing free food and alcohol. Those are, possibly, my favorite four words in the English language: "free food and alcohol". And I know I will partake. Unless I don't go. But I really want to go. It is at a very expensive and fancy (by Arizona standards) resort, the Arizona Biltmore. And I don't always have a reason to go there, and the gift bags are great! ( I went last year, and they gave everyone a bottle of champagne! ) So I am going. But I will NOT, CANNOT let one night ruin my diet. I will return to the diet immediately the next morning. This is final.

Update:
I now have TWO dates this weekend. On Saturday night I'm going out with another guy to a Tapas and Tequila party at a resort....again...I desperately want to go...I will not beat myself up about it and instead be smart. I will watch my portions, and only have three glasses of wine. I can do it. Who wants to be smashed on a date anyway?! Just because I'm cheating, doesn't mean it has to turn into a binge.

Envy - the green devil

I've been thinking a lot about envy in the last few days. It was prompted by a surprise communication with an old high school acquaintence. He found me on a social networking site and I invited him to hang out with another old friend this weekend. I decided to take a look at my old yearbook and reminise a bit.

As I started looking at those pictures of smiling faces, and reading some of the things my BFF's wrote (don't ever change, call me whenever, we will ALWAYS be friends....etc.) I was suddenly feeling very very insecure again. Remembering those feelings of being totally unattractive, fat and unlovable. I see now that those feelings were baseless, but still that was how I felt at the time. And I did go to school with some *gorgeous* girls. I've spoken to a few friends about these feelings, and they say that everyone pretty much felt bad about themselves in high school. I just hope I don't revert to that shy, meek, high schooler at the reunion at the end of this year. And I although I didn't realize it at the time, I guess I was a little envious of the girls who had all the boys drooling over them...

I am still at 152 lbs and have been for 3 days. I'd like to see if I can shave off a lb or two by Monday (Dr's appt), but I'm still happy with a 13 lb loss. Now back to envy. Although it has slowed down quite a bit, I am told often by ladies at work how envious/jealous they are of me. "I just don't know how you do it. I can't stick to a diet longer than a day." "You are so thin. It is simply unbelievable. I wish I had what you had." I was uncomfortable with these statements at first and didn't know what to say. Now I just smile and say "Thank you. It is hard." I am no different from anyone else. At times I have felt so crazy on this journey and have cried myself to sleep, stuffed my face with thousands of calories in one sitting, considered making myself throw up, binged on alcohol/sex, and had mini-nervous breakdowns. I don't wish this upon anyone. "Do not be envious of me! I'm crazy and just barely holding on at any given second!" I want to scream. But of course I don't. I just smile and say, "Thank you." :) One day at a time, I guess....I just wish time would speed up.....

Challenge Update - 13 lbs gone!

Yesterday was a challenging day. I had a late night meeting to go to, and I had to stop off at my weekend job (coffee shop) to pick up my tips. For a fleeting millisecond I thought about grabbing a cookie with my cup of joe, but decided against it, and marched right out to my car. It is hard b/c basically, if I wanted, I could have all the free/or discounted pastries I want from the store.

Then while driving to the meeting I was daydreaming about my favorite subject, my crazy love life. I am single but there are several men in my life who are always flying around, (friends, lovers, ex-lovers, wannabe lovers, etc.) So then I start getting annoyed/fidgety/anxious about these situations in my life, and I think about stopping somewhere and eating an entire layer cake. I don’t. But I think about it.

So I now weigh 13 lbs less than I did on Friday. The problem with this is that the last three times I was at this weight I started thinking “well, I can cheat a little. I deserve it! And look how easy it is for me to lose weight. I’ll just cheat and then make up for it before my doctor’s appointment. It’s only one cupcake.” But then I have the cupcake and I think, “Well, I’m out of ketosis now, I might as well live it up for the rest of the day, I’ll start the fast again tomorrow. I can be in ketosis again 3 days from now….” But that one day turns into a week, and before you know it , I’m not fasting, I’m not eating healthy, I’m just eating. And thus the cycle goes, for the last 6 months. Which is why I keep yo-yoing from 150 to 165, again, and again.

NOT THIS TIME!

This time I have my wits about me and the blogosphere for inspiration. I will not rest or be lenient until I have reached my goal of 132. (weird number I know…I’m weird…) Then, at 132. I will have cake, but I will also not fall back on the fact that I know how to lose weight. I will instead be vigilant about keeping it off!

Morning 3 of the Fast (Challenge update- 8lbs lost!)

I've been a very good girl, and as of yet I haven't had any of my crazy cravings or thoughts about ruining my diet.

However, I am obsessed again with food planning for the future. I get like this, where I just watch the Food Network and think about food I'm going to eat someday. Yesterday in fact I did a weeks worth of menus that combined both Dr. Weil's Anti-inflammatory plan with Weight Watchers. Having never 'done' WW, I'm not sure if the daily point value is good for weight loss, but I think it is good for maintenance. (between 20-24 a day). So at least I have a plan that I can follow once I"m down to goal.

I told everyone in my life that I would only do the fast until the end of January, but now I'm thinking until the end of February. This of course, freaked my mom out. She knows how crazy the fast makes me. How do people decide a goal weight? If I went by what my doctor says, I'd be 125 lbs. That seems too small to me. I like how I look around 145, but I know that would be on the heavier side of a healthy weight range. So that's why I picked 130...but 135 sounds good too....AAARRRGHH!!!!

Well, my weight today is 157, which is a loss of 8 lbs from Thursday. (It's all water I'm sure, but after this, any loss will be fat.)

After a great suggestion from a co-worker, I'm going to treat myself after every 10 lbs loss.
1st 10 lbs= Hair trim/color
2nd 10 lbs= Pedicure
3rd 10 lbs= Fantastically gorgeous peacoat! (They should be on sale in Phoenix by the end of Feb.)

*FiTCETERA*: Scale Love Sunday

Happy New Year! Plus finally starting the challenge

Hello! Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a fabulous time!

I only have one resolution for this year, and it has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with being healthy!

I resolve to have MORE FUN in 2009!

I gained a lot from dieting in 2008. I learned that if I set my mind to something I can do it. I stopped using alcohol to numb my pain. I made better choices in life. I lost 60 lbs.

However, to do all this I also sacrificed time with friends, and other fun social occasions. Some people say that you can lose weight and still have a life...this unfortunantly does not work for me. I have to distance myself from social situations that contain food and alcohol. The temptation is just too much for me.

I will be reaching my weight goal in the first half of this new year. After that I will allow myself the time to have fun and reconnect with people.

Today I started the fast again. This morning I didn't feel like eating so I skipped breakfast at home and decided to eat at work. Nothing like a can of tuna for breakfast! Aww the joys of a high protein diet! :)