4 months

Whoa! This is exactly how long I have been sober in the past. It was 2008 and I was doing a crazy doctor's diet. I ended that diet with a fish n' chips Guinness fueled evening with The Cure. It was pretty awesome actually.

Now I'm heading into unknown territory. What will 5 months of sobriety feel like? What will it be like to be sober on New Year's?

In the last 4 months, I've lost 16 lbs. :)

I get to go home in 3 weeks and I get to spend 2 WHOLE WEEKS with my boyfriend!! I am disgustingly happy, in a super sappy lovey-dovey way. :)

90 days strong!

I'm at that point that people in AA refer to as a tough time. Plenty of people have told me that around 90 days I may start to feel like I'm not an alcoholic and that I might try and have a drink. Since random substance testing is hanging over my head, I don't really fear that. However, the thought has crossed my mind, and I have caught myself saying out loud "Let's take a vacation when I can drink again." Most of my friends have said that they understand this and feel that I don't have a drinking problem anyway and that they believe I can and will drink again. If I said these thoughts to people in AA I know the type of reaction it will garner. "Just go ahead and have a drink...you'll see what will happen...we will welcome you back as soon as you realize that you and alcohol don't mix."

Well, I don't have the desire to drink. But I do anticipate wanting to drink again come August 2011. Luckily, I have plenty of time to decide what I will do then.

Other than booze, which isn't even something I think about often anymore....
-School is chugging along....pesky thesis needs to be written....
-My boyfriend is awesome, supportive, sexy, and amazing !!!
-I've been working out like crazy and loving it!
-I've been laughing and enjoying life :) and I'm happy :)!!

67 days

It is getting easier to not drink, rather than harder.

I can't say that I'm more productive now, I'm still a procrastinator when it comes to work... BUT I do workout for at least an hour everyday!! I've lost 10 lbs since I stopped drinking, and I've increased my fitness quite a bit. This last week I started training for the Snake River half-marathon, and I'm suuuuper excited!!! My goal is to beat my time of 2hrs 43mins from last year. I have about five months to train, so I think I will be all set.

To everyone who has ever tried to stop drinking....if you can make it one day without a drink, you can make it a week, then a month. I am proof of that. It does get easier. I even go to bars with friends and do not have a problem.

30 days!

Tomorrow is thirty days clean and sober.

I've lost 7 lbs.

I've gained new friends and experiences. For instance, I've been invited to join new things, like fitness classes and gaming clubs. I've been going to AA meetings, which have helped immensely. It has shown me that there are others like me who used to be the life of the party, and when the party has ended, still have a life. :) This is comforting to me.

overeating/binge-drinking/low self-esteem/body issues/destructive behaviors: These are all part of the big picture for me. I feel like I"m finally starting to figure them all out.

I feel good, like I finally have a handle on my life. Now to write my thesis.....

Sentence Imposed

Here's what happened to me today.

24 hours in jail

90 day license suspension

$900 fine

1 year probation

1 year abstinance from alcohol w/monitoring

Things to do instead of drinking alcohol:
Take a bath
Call a friend back home
Go for a walk/run
Go to the gym
Watch a movie
Go to the library
Knit
Bubble Bath!
See a play
Go to a museum
Play the guitar
Go dancing
Cook a fancy dinner
Clean out a closet
Scrub the bathroom
Do some yoga/meditate
Be the designated driver for friends (when you can drive...)
Plan your weekly meals
Look up good recipes
Write your thesis!
Go to an AA meeting
Call your boyfriend
Play a boardgame
Thrift shop!
Walk around the mall

I'm changing my life. Completely.

I haven't written in a while. I guess I have been scared. I'm not sure why, since no one I actually know in life reads this blog. I suppose I was scared of myself. I haven't been going to WW meetings. I recently cancelled my membership, but kept the online account. It isn't that the program doesn't work, it is just that I'm not working it.

On March 10, the day before I flew to California to spend a week with a guy I'm dating, I was pulled over on a suspected DUI. This is something that I have deserved for at least 8 years. Although I'm not glad it happened, I am not at all surprised. The state of Washington offers a deferred sentence for those who are diagnosed as mentally ill or chemically dependent. After five years of intense treatment and sobriety, a DUI case can be dismissed. I fortunantly (or unfortunantly) have been found to qualify for this program.

As I have stated before, my relationship with alcohol is something that I have trouble controlling. In the last 10 years (I'm 28) the longest I have been totally sober has been 4 months. Luckily, I do not abuse or use any other types of drugs. My relationship with my weight, food, and alcohol are all related. This is something I have recognized for several years. I am not afraid to be sober, but I am afraid to fail. It is like I felt prior to losing 70 lbs. I was not afraid to diet, but I was afraid to fail.

Should I not complete the intensive 2 year treatment and the subsequent 3 years of sobriety, I will automatically recieve a DUI. The sobriety will hopefully begin for me on June 1st, although my treatment will begin at the end of July. I am afraid of a few things. Failing, losing friends, being depressed, being a basketcase, crying, hurting my parents, becoming boring, not drinking champagne at my wedding or 30th birthday. Luckily my fella has said that if I stop drinking it will not affect our relationship. He is not a regular drinker, thankfully.

I don't know how to tell my parents. I have not told them about my DUI. I am tired of disappointing them.

Motivation is good!

I've been doing WW meetings for about 6 weeks now, and I've lost 14 lbs. :)! Something about having to weigh in to someone on a weekly basis really keeps me focused. Mostly, the meeting topics aren't that helpful to me. But, as I think I've said before, WW is my AA. I drink too much and I have the propensity to make poor food choices when I've been drinking.

I've really been focusing on moderation. I have successfully gone out with friends and had only ONE beer. I can't believe I can do this now. I have had a rough couple of days and TOM usually makes me want to eat a ton, but overall I've been doing well.

I'm going to continue going at least until I am thirty (end of October). My goal is to be 142 lbs. Totally doable and not a crazy number. I also met a man. ;) I'll be visiting him for Spring Break, as he lives waaay too far away. But he seems great, and he saw me when I was larger and liked me anyway, so he must be a good guy right?

The half marathon is this Saturday! I hope I don't die.....