WA is chilly!

I'm in trouble come winter, aren't I? It is 62 degrees and overcast. I'm sitting at the Library in "downtown" Pullman b/c the wi-fi is free and I am a poor college student again. But my studio is adorable and coming together nicely. I have been eating whatever I want and now my loose jeans are getting snug? I feel bad about this but you haven't seen the hills in this town! I'm not too worried about not being able to lose weight. Once my parents leave me (tomorrow...) I won't have any money to eat out. They are taking me grocery shopping as well and I'm only getting healthy and good-for-me foods. I don't have a parking pass for school (no money) so I have to walk there everyday. Up and down hills. In the snow and rain. haha. But I'm excited. Gonna post some pictures tomorrow as well as get back on the healthy eating train. Life is so good right now.

Weigh-in and update about parties

I'm still 155 today. This is okay. I've been eating too much over the last 3 days and I know it. Nothing crazy, just too much to continue to lose any weight. Today will be better. :)

The parties last weekend:
I had a BLAST and I didn't drink at all. I got really tired though. The drunk me is able to stay up all night and keep partying. The sober me wants to curl up around 9:30. lol. I did learn that I don't like being the designated driver. I want to go home at a decent hour and drunk people, as I said, like to stay up all night and not go home.

I had a brazilian wax yesterday. WHOA! One word description: invasive. :) They really get down to business with the wax. But it was an interesting experience, felt like ripping a band-aid off. Actually, lots of things in life feel like that I think. Sting a lot at first, then kind of irritate, then go back to normal.

I'm wrapping up my life here in AZ. I'm trying to fit in time to see all the people I've loved and who have called me friend in the past several years. It is sad, but I'm excited to start my new life. I will be meeting so many new people in the next month and I'm sure the beginning of school will be a whirlwind. It will be challenging to keep eating healthy food. But, as I have to keep reminding myself, this is my only life and I want it to be great. When I eat healthy food, get enough sleep, and exercise, I feel great. Oh, and I'm an adult, if I can't do it now, I'll never be able to do it.

OH happy weigh-in day!

I weighed in at 156 today!! Which means I'm down 4 lbs. Now I know I've been working out like a mad woman, but I have a feeling most of this weight loss is water related. But no matter! It makes me feel great to be in the 150's again.

I made some really tough decisions over the past week. My friend said that I called him when I was drunk and said really mean things to him. I told him that I was sorry, but that I really didn't remember calling him. See, sometimes I drink until I blackout. This, of course, is a serious issue. I talked to another friend and he said that in the past he felt that I had a serious drinking issue. I blame most of my horrific weight gain on binge drinking, which led to binge eating. My brother says, although I'm terrifically fun when drunk at a party, I lose all inhibitions, and that can be worrisome. So I'm recognizing that I have a problem with alcohol and I need to seek help or curb my habit in some way. A new friend of mine just told me that he worries about me.

The longest I have been sober is 4 months. It was last year when I was dieting. My life really felt good; I was in control of so much. Work was productive and I felt like I was excelling. I really didn't hang out with any of my friends though. Most of my friends drink heavily. We tend to travel in packs. I went sober to my friends' wedding. Normally, I would "pre-game" for a function like that. (ie, have two or three drinks before the wedding).

But this is a new life, and if I'm hurting the people that care about me then it is not worth it. I want to be able someday to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or go to a baseball game and have a couple of beers without it turning to an all night binge drinking session. It is unbecoming of a lady. If I truly wish to someday be a mother and a wife to someone, I cannot let a destructive habit come between me and that happiness. If I lost weight for my future children, then I can certainly maintain my sobriety for them.

I have three events this weekend with friends. I've already enlisted my best gay to be my date and encourage me to be sober. Wish me luck.

weigh-in and new challenge

So, in an attempt to rid myself of this stubborn weight (I'm 160 today) that I've put on and also to refocus my efforts, I am starting a 30 day personal challenge. The challenge is relatively simple to follow and doesn't have a lot of rules. I learned the last time I tried to challenge myself that too many rules is just too darn hard. So here it is:

-1200 calories daily limit (I figured out the calories and points values, it's about 22 pts which is right on target with my weight/activity) It is also a higher protein diet, but not low carb by any means.
-5 hours of exercise a week. (Which isn't even everyday, and I do it anyway, so this is just to remind me to 'keep up the good work'.)

And that is it. My last day will be July 17th which happens to be my last day at work as well, so it all works out rather nicely.

I don't know how much weight I'll lose, I have no idea. But I do know that I cannot have the amount of treats and 'free meals' that I have been allowing myself and not expect to gain weight. If anyone wants to see an example of what I'm eating (all 'clean' foods) just let me know.

Really Bad Day

I am having a really really bad day.

It started off okay. I skipped doing my cardio today, but I was tired. I didn't sleep well. Some rather lame personal issues wouldn't let me sleep. You know, those things that seem really important and horrible right now...but in a year will seem like nothing. It involves a man. So now you understand.

So skipping the gym isn't that big of a deal, but then my mom wanted to take me out to breakfast. Also, not necessarily a bad thing, but it was a buffet. I cannot go to buffets anymore. There just has to be a new rule for my life that I can't go to buffets. Especially when I feel bad/am on my period/am hiding my feelings/have a bad day at work/alt. etc. Whenever any of those things happen I need to be strapped to a chair with rope and left to struggle. Do not feed the animals.

So I went crazy at the buffet. I love breakfast food. It was all carbs. It was disgusting. Easily 2000 calories. Then I came to work, had some black coffee and a damn chocolate cupcake. Then, I had a lunch meeting, where I should have ordered a water and left it at that. Instead, at the urging of the people I was meeting, I ordered a green chili burrito with beans. sigh. and I ate it. With chips and salsa. !!!

Now I want to keel over and give up. I'm 160 lbs, which is close to 170, then I'm almost 190 and then I'm right back to 226.

I know what to eat. I know when to eat. I know how to exercise. I know how to lose weight. Why am I not doing it? What is stopping me from achieving my goals? Why do I lose my drive so easily?

I'm nervous about moving away. I'm nervous about starting school. I'm nervous about being alone in a new place. I'm terrified of becoming fat again. I promised myself I'd never be over 160 again, and here I am knocking on 161. These are the stresses in my life. I know they are small potatoes compared to other people. But this is what I'm dealing with. I'm toying with the idea of a thirty day challenge. Would anyone like to take me up on this?

Back from a Mini-Vacay

So no weigh-in this week. I decided I'm going to skip this week's weigh-in and list some of the best things I ate in Seattle over the weekend. (You can check my yelp reviews for more in-depth observations)

The Waterfront Grill= Seafood Chowder, Duck with Crab/truffle mac n' cheese, and ice cream topped bread pudding

The People's Pub= Creamy Tomato Soup and a Cheddar Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Wasabi Bistro= Some type of eel roll and a Seattle Roll (salmon and avocado, yum!)

Boulangerie Nantaise= I tried quiche for the first time and LOVED it! I don't know why I'd never eaten it before this. It may be a problem from now on....lol

I also tried a lot of beer that was locally brewed which was really very good.

Overall, my body feels the same size. I'm a little bloated, but that has to do with TOM and the natural cycle of life. bleh.

It was a wonderful romantic time, but now I have to come back down to reality. It really sucks. When you are in the heat of the moment, and the beer or wine is making you flushed and happy you think "hey this could be real, this could be really wonderful". But then you fly home....and you realize that it can't be real...it really sucks. So to weigh-in on top of all of that will just not work for me. My goal for the next week is moderation, which was not something I practiced at all in Washington. :)

Why I love fitness- oh yeah and a weekly weigh in

I'm still 155.

Eating good, healthy, low-calorie, filling foods has been challenging for me the last few weeks. However, I have been kicking serious ass at the gym! So I'm going to focus on the way in which fitness has enriched my life.

When I was a kid, there was nothing I liked more than running around the playground and having to catch my breath. My favorite team sport was field hockey. I couldn't wait until we were able to get out those red and gold hockey sticks! Other things I loved were volleyball and basketball, although I wasn't very good at either of those.

I went to private school my whole life so PE wasn't something we did everyday, and it was something that was cut entirely by high school in lieu of Theology class. So after eighth grade I really didn't do much physical activity. (I was on the golf team and we did walk a few miles everyday, but I don't remember ever working up a sweat.)

In college I wandered into the Student Rec Center on a less than sporadic basis. I didn't really know what I was doing, and would usually just stick to the cardio machines. Over the course of the next 6-7 years this lack of exercise combined with my raging binge drinking/eating caused a weight gain of 60 lbs. I would join a gym every now and then, but never really go, and never really change my eating/drinking habits.

Once I had finally lost some weight through a change of diet, I again sought out physical activity. This time I recognized that it was not something I could do on my own. Like my change in diet, I needed some type of instruction. I was referred to my personal trainers, Bob and Matt, through a friend who had worked out with them after her gastric bypass.

Although I was intimidated by their appearance at first (typical bodybuilder meatheads, blond hair, big muscles, 50 years old but looks 35 etc..) I had realized that I was capable of great change. The diet had shown me that. I was not going to let anything stand in between me and my fitness goals. Especially my own self-doubt. So I've been weight training on average 3 days a week for the past 10 months. Sure, I've fallen off the wagon now and then,sometimes for weeks at a time, but I always get back up. And luckily Bob and Matt are always welcoming.

For the last 30 days, I have gone to the gym 17 times. This works out to a little over 4 times a week, and I always stay an hour. This is all the physical activity I get on top of taking the stairs, parking farther away, going out to the park with my dog etc.

To wrap up, since this is getting long, the thing I love the most about physical activity is how much energy I have. It helps me sleep better. My arms and shoulders are looking toned and sexy. My fat on my abdomen seems to be shifting, if not going away. My thighs are getting smaller. My butt is lifting. So I'm still 155, but I'm a size 10.