Life is good.

I just got back into town yesterday. I went on a trip to Washington State University (Go Cougars!) to see their anthropology program. Basically, they are offering me a full ride scholarship and I already have a TA-ship with a monthly stipend. This is the only firm offer I've recieved from a school so far. I have until April 15th to decide. I think I'm going to take it....but I am going to wait for UC Boulder to get back in touch with me. Also, Texas A and M, needs to send me something.

The trip was all inclusive, so my meals were provided for me. I gained a pound, which could have been a lot worse I think. Mostly we ate fried, cheesy crap and my blood sugar and energy levels were crazy. I also drank alcohol two nights in a row, which is a lot for me. So, luckily I only gained 1 lb. I also utilized the gym that was in the hotel, and we walked a few miles everyday, so that helped a bit.

I'm getting back on track today and eating tons of vegetables. Back to real life.....

eat more= lose weight...duh!

So I don't know how I got on this weird kick a few weeks back. Instead of eating the 21 points a day I was supposed to, I started eating only 18 points a day. I know, by everything that I've learned about nutrition, that this can hinder weight loss. But for some reason, I kept doing it. So I plateaued at 152 for a couple of weeks.

Then, in chatting with a friend about it, and realizing my mistake, I decided to at least eat 20 points, and start eating my activity points, rather than 'banking' them for the weekend. In three days, I'm down to 150. All that changed was I decided to eat more. Only 11 lbs to go!

two steps back.

So on Friday I weighed in at 150 lbs! How amazing is that?! I then proceeded to go to happy hour with the ladies and gum down some mini chimichangas and 3 Michelob Ultras. On Saturday, I had lunch with a friend, and although what I ate wasn't that bad, (skirt steak with nopales, which are prickly pear cactus, and corn tortillas) the bottle and a half of chardonnay probably was not a good choice. !! I drink sometimes.

Then, yesterday, I finished up the weekend with oysters and mussels in a lemon caper sauce, with baked spaghetti squash. It was delicious. But I also ate about a loaf and a half of bread. Then I went out and had about 5 beers. sigh....I did not weigh in this morning....BUT I did go to the gym!! This is a great victory for me, as I've been skipping out for the last TWO weeks.

But I'm back. Today I had a great oatmeal breakfast, now I'm having some tomato soup and tonight I'm going to make something yummy and good for me. So between working out and eating like a normal rational person...I should be back to at least 152-150 by Thursday. I'm not going to worry about it.

The benefits of dental work...

Well, on Monday I had two more wisdom teeth extracted.....I've lost 3 lbs since all this began. I'm now at 152. Yesterday I actually made my goal of 18 points!!! I'm very happy about this. I still had some chocolate though, but I managed my hunger very well. I ate small meals instead of big ones. Well, I DRANK/SLURPED small meals since I can't really chew anything. (Tomato soup, half a ripe avocado, etc...)



I found a great product that is very diet friendly and especially important for when sweet treats come into the office. They are called Miss Meringue Meringue Cookies, and you can have 6 of them for 1 point! They just melt in your mouth and hit the spot perfectly. I found them at Walgreens on a late night run for vicodin! :)



School Update!: I have now been accepted to Catholic University (Not going there, they aren't offering me any money) and am on the 'wait-list' for UC Boulder. (It means I'm their second choice) I was rejected at UC Santa Cruz. But that's okay! Only three more schools to go! (Brown, Texas A & M, and U of Ariz.)

weigh too much.

I did not weigh myself this morning, even though today is the 3 week mark of me counting points. I know that I have let myself slip in this regard. In fact, I find myself journaling my points but not caring how far I let them go over my target points for the day. This is not good. I have weighed myself everyday, except today, and I keep bouncing between 152-154. Up and down. I'll say I weight 153 today and call it fair.

The reason I'm not weighing myself is that I woke up and felt slim. I put on my slinky black wrap dress and I felt good. Tonight, I'm going to dinner at a special friend's house. He is going to cook. There will be wine. I'm not going to let a 'bad' weigh-in ruin my day or my evening.

I have my whole life ahead of me, and I'll probably be restricting/structuring my diet for the majority of it. Today, it doesn't matter what I weigh. :)

Two week Weigh-in

I am up a pound from last week. :( I have been really really good about working out, but I did go a little crazy on the weekend. Lots of beer and I ate too much food. This week I"ve continued to struggle with eating sugar. There was so much cake this week at work! This weekend we are celebrating my brother's 33 birthday and I am going to make a reduced sugar cake for him. Today I had gingersnaps, yesterday I had 2 pieces of cake. I must stop the sugar eating.

I won't classify the eating of these things as binges. I didn't get flustered or excited about eating them like during a binge, I just ate them, so that is good and bad. But I made sure to walk extra on the treadmill and got my ass out of bed at 5 to go to the gym. I feel really good about this!

This Saturday I'm meeting some friends for dinner at the Macaroni Grill, I have 6 extra points left for the week. I wish I had more, but 6 is still good to work with. I might be able to not use them all too!

Things are good

I'm just plugging away on this new adventure. So far so good, I guess. I've been dipping in to my WPA's although I was a little scared to do that at first. Because I've been starving myself for months (less than 600 calories a day, doctor supervised...) I'm afraid that if I go too high in calories I will gain weight. I know it will be a period of adjustment and trial and error for me.

I'm really trying to stick to 20 points a day. Yesterday, I had mystery Chinese good luck cookies that were delicious and not too sweet, but I had no idea what their point value was, so I guessed. I counted each as 6 points, just to be careful. So I was 9 points over goal, maybe. I learned yesterday, it is important to be as accurate as possible with counting points. I won't be eating anything that I cannot easily look up the point value for from now on. It caused me too much anxiety.

Ms. Bitchcakes had a great post this morning. It was all about goal setting. My goal for the week will be to be active at least 30 minutes everyday. So far, I have done this. Sun- Treadmill 30min. Monday- Weight training w/trainer, 20 min walk, Today- 30min on the Treadmill.

I'm confident I can keep this up!

I am so happy!

Okay. First I want to apologize to my friends and family who have said this same thing to me over the last few months. I am sorry.

Let me explain:
Today I was overheard by a coworker, N, saying that I was so depressed because of the fast. I was so hungry and unhappy and it is so hard.

He looked at me like I was crazy and said "I'm not a doctor, but you do NOT need to lose any more weight. 20 lbs? I don't think you need to lose 20 lbs." and a light went off in my head. He is absolutely right. I could lose 20 lbs. but I don't NEED to lose 20 lbs.

I am giving a big 'f-you' to the fast and embracing sensible weight loss/maintenence from here on out! I'm going to be counting points and eating fruit and oatmeal!!!! you don't know how happy that makes me! I was so afraid of being a failure, but I"M NOT ONE! I've lost 30% of my body weight!!! that is insane! Here are pics for perspective: The one on top is from the 31st of January, 2008, the day before I started the fast. The bottom one was taken 20 minutes ago in the same spot, different angle. Yes. I could lose 20 lbs, no I don't want to gain weight, yes I could just stay where I"m at for the rest of my life.

I"m so happy about my decision. I feel like a tremendous weight has lifted off my shoulders. I will start posting my new food diary tomorrow. My new goal is a sensible 1 to 2 lbs a week until I lose an additional 15 lbs.

I need encouragement! Please! I'm excited but also a little scared!

Challenge Update - 13 lbs gone!

Yesterday was a challenging day. I had a late night meeting to go to, and I had to stop off at my weekend job (coffee shop) to pick up my tips. For a fleeting millisecond I thought about grabbing a cookie with my cup of joe, but decided against it, and marched right out to my car. It is hard b/c basically, if I wanted, I could have all the free/or discounted pastries I want from the store.

Then while driving to the meeting I was daydreaming about my favorite subject, my crazy love life. I am single but there are several men in my life who are always flying around, (friends, lovers, ex-lovers, wannabe lovers, etc.) So then I start getting annoyed/fidgety/anxious about these situations in my life, and I think about stopping somewhere and eating an entire layer cake. I don’t. But I think about it.

So I now weigh 13 lbs less than I did on Friday. The problem with this is that the last three times I was at this weight I started thinking “well, I can cheat a little. I deserve it! And look how easy it is for me to lose weight. I’ll just cheat and then make up for it before my doctor’s appointment. It’s only one cupcake.” But then I have the cupcake and I think, “Well, I’m out of ketosis now, I might as well live it up for the rest of the day, I’ll start the fast again tomorrow. I can be in ketosis again 3 days from now….” But that one day turns into a week, and before you know it , I’m not fasting, I’m not eating healthy, I’m just eating. And thus the cycle goes, for the last 6 months. Which is why I keep yo-yoing from 150 to 165, again, and again.

NOT THIS TIME!

This time I have my wits about me and the blogosphere for inspiration. I will not rest or be lenient until I have reached my goal of 132. (weird number I know…I’m weird…) Then, at 132. I will have cake, but I will also not fall back on the fact that I know how to lose weight. I will instead be vigilant about keeping it off!

Happy New Year! Plus finally starting the challenge

Hello! Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a fabulous time!

I only have one resolution for this year, and it has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with being healthy!

I resolve to have MORE FUN in 2009!

I gained a lot from dieting in 2008. I learned that if I set my mind to something I can do it. I stopped using alcohol to numb my pain. I made better choices in life. I lost 60 lbs.

However, to do all this I also sacrificed time with friends, and other fun social occasions. Some people say that you can lose weight and still have a life...this unfortunantly does not work for me. I have to distance myself from social situations that contain food and alcohol. The temptation is just too much for me.

I will be reaching my weight goal in the first half of this new year. After that I will allow myself the time to have fun and reconnect with people.

Today I started the fast again. This morning I didn't feel like eating so I skipped breakfast at home and decided to eat at work. Nothing like a can of tuna for breakfast! Aww the joys of a high protein diet! :)

Small Victories/Merry Christmas!

So this morning I woke up at 4:30 am and I thought "I don't have to go to the gym...my trainers won't be there anyway..." Then I thought about all the cookies I had eaten and got myself out of bed.

I drove all the way downtown, my gym is rather far from home, but close to work, and it was closed!!! They wouldn't be opening until 7 am, which means I wouldn't have time to go and get ready for work and be there on time.

But I decided to walk the stairs at my office instead! I thought this would be a great way to work some cardio in today. I get to work at 6 am and realize that my badge doesn't open the building doors like it is supposed to!! So I had to sneak in behind some guys who had good badges...I work at a government building, so this is a little unnerving, but they did give me a good once over and I did have a badge on....

Then, the stairwell was locked!!! It was like God, or maybe the devil, didn't want me to work out today! But I was determined at this point, even if I just did laps around the building.

My building has two banks of elevators, and of course the one to the 11th floor was not working yet, so I had to take the first bank to the 10th floor, but they wouldn't move when I pushed the button! I was lucky enough to find someone with a good badge who could make the elevators move and I made it to the tenth floor and the stairwell.

I work on a secured floor, and I knew my badge wouldn't let me access it until at least 6:45, so I plopped my bags on the stairwell floor and started climbing. I walked up and down for 15 minutes. I know this doesn't sound like a lot, but climbing real stairs is hard! My heart was definitely pumping. Luckily my floor has showers, (I guess so the public officials can freshen up for late meetings, or really early mornings...I have no idea) so I was able to get all sweaty and then clean up for work. I took a pic of myself today. Does anyone else feel that it is helpful to take lots and lots of pictures of yourself? I still think of myself as fat, and the pictures seem to help sometimes.

So I got some excerise in! Victory for me! Merry Christmas everyone!!

I purchased a new camera!

I'm very excited about it! I bought it from my friend Matt and I am very very impressed with it so far.

It is super tiny and slim, and I can take it with me wherever I go! This is Matt and I during/after the exchange!
We were at a Sweet Tomatoes and we got the drink attendant to take our picture. She was a cute sweet older lady who seemed kind of apologetic about her picture taking skills. I think it turned out fine! It was my first time at a buffet in about a year and I have to say, I'm quite proud of myself. I didn't gorge myself until I wanted to die, like I thought I might!

However, I did stop to do some Christmas shopping dangerously close to an awesome bakery downtown. Tammie Coe's! This lady has made fondant icing (european icing) a favorite in Phoenix.

I ended up thinking about her red velvet/buttercream frosting cupcakes, and had to stop in. I do a really weird thing...whenever I get a pastry, I HAVE to have a cup of black coffee with it, which I for some reason sweeten with Splenda. Why don't I just use sugar?! It's like a diet coke with a large fry and a hamburger. Makes no sense.....Here is my contraband:
I must have got a little excited, b/c as you can see I did spill my americano a little. The espresso was great! Illy brand is my favorite, much better than that shit they serve at Starbucks....ahem...yes I still work at the bux on the weekends.......But our cupcakes are nothin' like the ones at Tammy Coe's! Deelish!

So my willpower is low to say the least and I'm lacking motivation in the weight loss department. So I posed for some pics to get my mind back to where it needs to be for me to succeed. I'm a little bloated from lunch. But this awful, dangerous, and unhealthy abdominal fat is exactly what I need to lose. The top picture was taken about 2 months ago when I was starting to feel skinny. The bottom pic was taken today. Honestly, I don't see much of a difference. hmm. I also purchased the latest O magazine, hoping to find some answers. It is the one where Oprah says she fell off the wagon and 2009 is going to be the year we should all put ourselves first. She's annoying, but she might be right!

First post

This blog is an experiment. I am currently in the throws of a quarter-life crisis and am trying to figure out how I want to live my life. I know there are others out there who feel exactly the same. Past the age of drug experimentation, and long late nights talking about religion and politics. Past college. Past childishness and friends who suck the life out of you. Now is the time that I start focusing on myself and my personal growth. I have friends who have had luck changing their lives by creating a blog. I hope their success will transfer to me.